What happens if you cease to dream? What if one day you wake up and come to the realization that every single dream you have ever had has vanished. You wanted to be a medical examiner, a storm chaser, a detective, a chef, a bakery owner, a musician, own a record label, a novelist, a world traveler... and then suddenly you realize you don't know what you want. Have you ever?
My head was always full of different ideas about what I wanted out of life and how I was going to achieve them. Then one day I was forced to re-examine my life. I had thought that what I wanted was to own my own business, make a name for myself in some small way, move to an interesting country, learn a new language and then fall in love. I never wanted a family or marriage or to settle for anything. Then it happened. I fell in love too soon.
My world was turned on its head and I didn't know what to do. This didn't fit the plan. I still want to write a novel and own my own business and travel and learn a new language in my new country and play music in my spare time. Then why do I now feel as though all my passions are gone? Why do I not feel passionate about any one thing and feel as though I am settling?
I am not saying that I am settling for who I have chosen to share a portion of my life with. I don't even know what length of my life will be shared with this person as he does not know himself. On the contrary, I feel happy that I have found a person that I would even consider sharing a part of myself with. Then why do I feel the settling?
I think I know what I want, it's what I've always wanted, so is this why I feel like I am settling? I feel like because my dreaming has come to a stand still so has my life?
Maybe in a small sense it has. To live is to dream. It is our imaginations that give our life its breath. What happens when you cease to dream? I can honestly say, I don't know. I will just have to try and find a way to get life back into my dreams. I don't know how I will accomplish this yet, or what new things I will have to try before I realize whether I still hold the same passions for my dreams. Either way, I hope, I know, in time I will re-imagine, re-discover, or find new dreams. My imagination is not dead just because my life has skipped ten steps ahead in my plan, and I am not settling no matter how I may feel at the time. If I don't do anything about it and stop dreaming altogether then I am settling.
I am settling for death of dreams over life of imagination, and that is something that I refuse to do.
ah.. but it is not settling nor is it losing your dreams, in fact you are living part of your dream with a love right now. Because you are living each moment when it is right the future becomes unclear...yet just for the time you are in.
ReplyDeleteSoon the dreams come into focus, this time with adjustments perhaps with your love, maybe not.... just like a book you need to keep reading to find out, each new chapter a discovery